A month at home

Today I am going to write a blog. I've said this to myself every morning for the past 7, 8, or 12 days. But here I am, writing a blog.....finally!

So since my last blog, I'm pleased to report that Jensen and I have been on many an outing. Once the rained cleared, we set off with our backpack of oxygen (at a slight weight of 5kgs), pram, apnoea monitor, raincoat (one for the pram, and one for me and the oxygen). We mainly go for a walk, but occasionally drop by the shop to grab a few things. I'm so nervous though, so we don't spend long out, plus it takes us so long to get organised and out, the window of opportunity narrows quickly. Jensen loves being out in the pram, he tends to sleep the whole time we are out, waking up as we turn into our street, the little monkey.

We've also been out in the car, through necessity however, but nonetheless, I have driven with him in the back and me in the driver seat (I usually sit next to him while Phil drives). I've been wearing my Hug-a-Bub carrier in the car and popping him in when we get to our destination, after heaving the oxygen tank onto my back, attaching the apnoea monitor to my wrist, and finding some space on my shoulder for our bag. Needless to say, some days it's just easier to stay in.

Me and my first friend, Valentina

So we have had a few follow up appointments, all of which have gone well. We've been to see the Endocrinologist, the Paediatrician, the Ophthalmologist, and popped into the NICU for a quick hello with the nurses (we even bumped into Jensen's first little friend, and neighbour Valentina). Dr Smith is very happy with Jensen's eyes, at this point no follow up surgery is needed, and he doesn't even appear to be short sighted yet. There is a small chance, as I've mentioned before of needing glasses, being cross-eyed, or having a turned eye, all of which looks good at the moment. Actually just a week before our appointment, and bang on time developmentally, little Jensen started focusing on faces and looking into our eyes. I just can't wait until his more interactive.....he's been around so long, I feel like he should have been a long time ago.

Jensen is doing very well in the growing department. He is now 46cms long, and weighs just over 3kgs. I'm not sure why he is putting on so much more weight here at home than in the hospital. Another thing he does a lot more of at home than in hospital is cry. Not sure why really, just think he likes cuddles, and also needs to let fluffy off the chain. In the night, I can here him getting his wombat on (ugh, ugh ,ugh, scratches around like a wombat), little (or sometimes big) fart noise (sometimes from either side of me :/) then silence and asleep again. Men really are simple creatures aren't they....

Now due to the large increase in the child, the mumma has had trouble keeping up with the child's milk intake, so has had to enlist the help of one feed of formula. This was quite a concern for me as Jensen has been known to have issues previously with a formula like substance, but Dr Sinn ensures us it is safe for him to have. I have been quite upset about all this. For one, not being able to produce enough milk for my son, another that he couldn't even tell the difference, and swiftly gulped down a bottle of milk, not made by mummy. I am slowly getting used to it though, and it has taken the pressure off me and my expressing a little.

We've had many a visitor over the past few weeks, with lots of special first cuddles.

This week marks our first week out in the big wide community as we are no longer part of the NICU. At first, a feeling of vulnerability waved over me as questions flew through my head, and out of my mouth at the nurse sitting on my couch, for the last time. What do we do? Who do we call? What if this? What if that?. I have since calmed down, and understand I will have to just become my rational and sensible self if or when the time comes. We are still linked somewhat, as Jensen is still on oxygen and we have fortnightly downloads organised via the special care unit of the NICU. We have one this coming Friday actually, in 50mls, so we are hoping his oxygen will then be lowered to 50mls. But for now, we have the early childhood nurse visiting us for a couple of weeks. She seems a nice lady, no NICU nurse though, tears in her eyes hearing our story, asking loads of questions, some reasonable, some a little strange. Would I like to be part of a mothers group? Hmmmm, would I like to be part of a mothers group??? I don't think so. A group of mothers I would more than likely have trouble relating to with babies between 2 and 6 weeks old. How could we fit in? How would Jensen compare to those babies, on one hand he's so much more advanced, on the other he's on par or perhaps behind a little. When all those babies are having their birthdays within 4 weeks of each other, Jensen's will have been 6 months ago. I think the best thing for us for now (or in the future) is to go along to the Miracle Babies foundation playgroup. Here all babies have been part of a NICU, must be healthy, and not have any poorly siblings. This sounds more suitable, although I am very aware of not wanting Jensen's existence to be all about his prematurity, I don't want this to define who he is, or affect him in any way socially, emotionally or academically, but for now it suits us.

In my new bed

On Friday this week, Jensen will have been out as long as he was in. He will be 23 weeks and 4 days.

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